This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
