The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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