Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
