Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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