you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
