how can u be prego again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
