he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
