She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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