After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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