Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
