Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
