if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
