Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
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