I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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