i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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