I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
look no pants
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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