Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize