I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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