Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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