do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
