I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
