I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
