uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
