Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
