how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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