Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
