also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
