winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
