sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize