I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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