My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
