do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize