Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Alive.
So much puke
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
