im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish you could order shots online.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
