I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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