so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you would pick up someone in the library
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
