Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
