best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
as a side note pls kill me
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
