I faked an abortion last night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
