When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
