he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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