i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
