Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
