I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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