Only a mothe r could love this liver
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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