Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They took my balls.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
