great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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