i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
