Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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