Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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