they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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