this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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