i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up backwards on a recliner
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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