I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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