So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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