The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
