I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
