they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
