Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
