Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
