I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
