I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
