Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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