We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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