I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
