There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
