Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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