Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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