my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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