I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
