She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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