Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
