If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
